Under the influenza

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 20:46:58 +0000

Apparently, I’ve had ‘man flu’ which differs from normal flu in that, as a man, I am supposed to have actively suffered more than the other half of the species. Not having a woman close enough to whinge and beg for soup to, I endured the brief though truly horrid bout with dignity, unwitnessed, for one whole day in my bed. Am I not man enough for man flu? Perhaps. Although I took the opportunity to prepare the second of my portfolios for the website.

It contains work some of which goes back to the mid 1980’s when my children were small and my aspirations large and is launched along with this blog. In one tiny distorted image there is a picture of the owner of this site sporting what can only be described as a look that combines the best of David Soul’s upper lip with Kevin Keegan’s perm. He’d managed to blag his way into a small publicity brochure for a photographer who believed his schpeel about one day becoming a famous publisher. He is accompanied by his dear friend Deborah Bosley who’s natural beauty requires no addition to her upper lip, her hair, unlike FitzGibbon’s, is still intact and she did go on to achieve success as a writer.

I am currently working on a small building project with some friends. As a part-time builder one does not expect or receive any sympathy for illness. In fact in the building trade any weakness is pounced upon immediately as an opportunity for wholesale ridicule – and so after after my cowardly text – Can’t come in - feel like s**t I received the reply – You W**&%r k**@ along with suggestions as to my whereabouts and activities which are unrepeatable and beyond euphemistic shift-key usage. On that point – would it not be more useful if there were a skull and crossbones symbol attached to the numbered keys above qwerty? Use of the ‘alt’ key should surely offer a more useful alternative to the over-excited exclamation mark when employed, instead of the gender confused upside-down version which arrives. A skull and crossbones, as defined by Asterix the Gaul is the proper shorthand symbol for ‘grrrr’. It signifies mild annoyance but piratical revenge, possibly delivered by a cutlass. As I remember, Snowy and Captain Haddock both use it a lot.

Furthermore on the topic of alternatives I’ve been experiencing some internal audio distortion (I’m only 46... what’s going on?) which has resulted some interesting interpretations of the spoken word. Recently I sat in a noisy bar with some friends and was told by the one opposite (I can’t use their names in this story as they’re both called Louise. Agree? good) “she can’t go to the meeting, she’ll be embarrassed”. I turned to the one next to me and enquired with genuine concern “why would you be embarrassed?”. “No... I’ll be IN PARIS” came the reply. OK. It’s ear hair. I need to get one of those clippers. More recently I’ve misheard ‘Homer Simpson’ as ‘homosexual’ and the action film title ‘Fifty First State’ as the rom-com film title ‘Fifty First Dates’. Note: Never call child from Blockbuster and ask for recommendation.

My favorite so far, was produced in written form by my sister, a Londoner like myself, many years ago. Whilst preparing for a small gathering she sent two of her male friends out to get some supplies for the evening. They came back justly pleased with themselves as they carried wine, vol-au-vent cases, napkins, paper plates and three carrier bags filled with bread rolls into the kitchen. “Why have you bought all these burger buns?” she asked incredulously. “Because you asked for ‘em” they replied producing the shopping list, “look... 100 rolls” . They were correct, literally, but my sister doesn’t loop her ‘L’s. She stared at the list for minute. “All I wanted was loo rolls” she sobbed. It does bring me to wonder how the actress Thora Hird gained the confidence as a child to become an actress. Presumably she would have been Miss Hird throughout her entire education.

Of course anything overheard, underheard or received out of context is open to misinterpretation. And this sounds like something one would say to a doctor after you’ve shut the door and sat down but I’ve had a bit of trouble with my emails of late – which has caused me to dig through the piles of stuff in my junk mail box. It’s opened a whole new world of possibilities for me which begin in the bizarre as one would expect from any activity which when interrupted from, results in the response ‘Don’t talk to me now I’m looking through the spam’.

It seems that among numerous offers of ways to enrich my personal life from people with lower-case names such as verlie lostletter and fletcher tran I can Drive her crazy and wet which is something I thought only minicab drivers did on a rainy Saturday night. Apparently, Something has happened to [my] memory which is so accurate it’s unnerving but immediately followed by A key from her bedroom is in your pants one does begin to wonder at how much these people think they know about us. Finally I had to stop looking after I was offered the opportunity to Satisfy her Everywhere which seems a task only suited to an omnipresent god-like masochist with the ability to carry 500 pairs of shoes. Among the vast numbers of lotions and potions there was everything for the libido but absolutely nothing for Man Flu. Grrr...Who needs spam? I want Soup¡

Scoop

Putting up the new website

Tue, 7 Oct 2008 23:58:45 +0100

OK so I’ve used a template but I quite like this textured paper look. It reminds me of my grandmother’s old leather bound photo album and that’s basically what the site is about – showing examples of my work for which, like most of us, has been a significant part of my life. I shan’t bore you with pictures of my mum as a teenager sitting on a donkey at Blackpool though – you’ll have to come round for tea for that particular experience.

I’ve tried to keep the portfolios simple and relatively recent and have spent many hours sorting through and preparing various images from the many examples I have collected over the years. I have had websites in the past. I think www.trucky123.co.uk is still languishing on a server somewhere in cyberspace.
I have worked mostly within the academic publishing sector since the 1990’s and though the work can sometimes be a little text-heavy at the expense of drama and I am proud to have worked with professionals in the areas of medical, scientific and engineering research.

I have also included examples of the other areas in which I have contributed ideas, practical skills and finishing touches. I’ve always had two and three dimensional work in my career and since completing a stonemasonry and building course in the mid ’90’s I’ve spent much more time adding scratches from stone, brick and plaster to my hands as well as gently wearing out my fingertips on a keyboard. I think it helps to change ones perspective occasionally and I find it helps to keep a bit physical...I like a bit of a cavort as Edward Fox said in a film from a while back – if you can tell me which one, you’ll get cakes with your tea when you drop by.

Lastly I wanted to add this blog page because, as many freelance writers, marketeers and designers, especially those who work from home will understand, communication of ideas, thoughts and expression becomes vitally important when there’s only you and a paper cup standing at the water cooler.
bon appetite
Scoop

SCOOP BLOG

Under the influenza

Putting up the new website